An entirely astonishing country.

The washing machines in my building are networked and report to a website showing whether or not they are in use. As to not make the 3 flight trip in vain.

In the guide to my future lab:

Be warned the candy machine is the “screw” type that fails to rotate sufficiently to dispense the purchased item about 5% of the time. Don’t be one of the seven people a year who die after the vending machine they were shaking fell on them. Your creative energy is much better spent building an autonomous self-organizing collaborative system of robots that learn to infiltrate the vending machine and retrieve that which is rightfully yours.

There is also more urgent advice listed, marked by all caps:
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME LEARNING EMACS!
Word.